Sometimes a UFC Fight Night comes and goes so fast you miss the story behind the story. Don't worry, Raf's got you covered. Check out the 28 things that we learned from the premiere of Fox Sports 1 (a.k.a. "Fox Sports Juan"). 1. Sometimes you can have the best guillotine of the evening and still lose the Submission of the Night bonus to some other guy.
2. Never let Ovince St. Preux inside of your guard.
3. This is what Ronda Rousey would look like if she starred in a sequel to a Nicholas Sparks movie. #TheNotebook2
4. Sometimes if a fight is too close to call the judges will side with the person who took more time to put on their shirt.
5. It's never impolite to ask the ref, "do I have to hit this guy anymore?"
6. Try as we might, fights are not "Best 2/3."
7. For whatever reason, Conor McGregor was really over with this crowd. #Boston #Irish #Drunk
8. The best offense does not involve letting your opponent tire out his fists by hitting you multiple times in the face.
9. Turns out, Wet Willies have no effect on Max Holloway.
10. Sometimes Conor McGregor thinks he's the Irish Batman.
11. Maybe everyone deserved a Submission of the Night bonus?
12. Yeah, basically jiu-jitsu is pretty awesome.
13. Brad Pickett does a pretty sweet impression of a Picasso painting.
14. A knuckle sandwich is a real thing.
15. This is the last time Uriah Hall ever takes a page out of Chun Li's playbook.
16. Uriah might have lost the fight the minute he got caught trying to complete the maze in John Howard's hair.
17. Uriah's pretty much over this decision. But in all fairness, Howard did throw more high fives during the fight.
18. Matt Brown was probably a little more inspired to knock out Mike Pyle after getting the bird flipped at him inside the cage.
20. Whoa, whoa, whoa, how the shit did this happen so fast?
21. "Oh, pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease work, I'm so losing..."
22. "No way, that worked!"
23. "Oh my God, everything hurts BUT THIS IS AMAZING!"
24. Best Belly-to-Belly guard pull ever.
25. "Is Chael Sonnen gonna have to choke a bitch?"
26. Seems Chael is one of the few lucky enough to know "levitation guard."
27. Joe Rogan has no problem being called "a middle-aged comedian", as long as it comes from the Don Rickels of MMA.
28. "No, but seriously... can someone explain what just happened?"
That'll do it for us. If for some reason you missed some of the highlights, here are a few Fox Sports Juan put together for everyone to enjoy. It's perfect for the person who's said, "you know, I like my slow motion replays, but I just wish they were shown at a much slower frame rate."
Good night and good fight, golks.